urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dr_r_zelenka Dopisy z Pegasa or... Zen and the Art of Puddle Jumper Maintanence dr_r_zelenka 2009-07-21T12:15:26Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dr_r_zelenka:1048 OT: Prittys for my friends 2009-07-21T12:04:20Z 2009-07-21T12:15:26Z Soma fm: Secret Agent Until I get around to updating my website again (which may take some time) this seems to be the only place I can post porny pics that all my friends can see. Unfortunately, my Tdancinghands account is one of the old, free, no ads sort, and they won't let me upload files from my computer there, so I'm using Radek's. (Thanks Radek!)<br /><br />FYI: What lies beyond the cut is most definitely NSFW <a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a name="cutid2"></a><a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/dr_r_zelenka/pic/000015fr/"><img height="240" border="0" width="292" alt="" src="http://pics.livejournal.com/dr_r_zelenka/pic/000015fr/s320x240" /></a></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dr_r_zelenka:712 Requiem for linguist 2008-03-18T22:13:17Z 2008-03-18T22:13:17Z Myst II soundtrack He is dead.<br /><br />I am finally beginning to remember how it happened, so I know it is true at last.&nbsp; It hurts now, and it will hurt worse before it is over, but that is still better than how it was.<br /><br />Seeing him dead, and not remembering how he died… nothing made sense, and other things… were too horrible to contemplate.&nbsp; But I did not kill him.&nbsp; I know that now.&nbsp; There *was* someone else in my room that night, but too much is still unclear.<br /><br />Some things I still don't remember, and it may be that I never will.&nbsp; Other things… I fear that I will never know now.&nbsp; I remember little about the intruder in my room, and maybe I never saw anything.&nbsp; I was struck… there was a struggle… shouting, crashing… then it was only me and Miles again.. and then it was only me.&nbsp; I am not proud that I fled, but it made no difference.&nbsp; He was already dead by then.<br /><br />In truth, I do not know why he agreed to go with me, or why he agreed to have sex, and now I never will.&nbsp; Sometimes it seems to me that he did not know himself, what he felt, or why he did what he did.&nbsp; He had a kind heart, though I think he hardly knew it.&nbsp; What he did was not out of pity, but out of decency, I think, which is more than can be said for my motivations.<br /><br />I did not love him; that much is clear to me now.<br /><br />It is a wretched thing to confess, even to myself, but I cannot deny it.&nbsp; He died because he felt moved to offer me comfort… the only comfort I would take at the time, and perhaps that does not make it my fault, but it does not absolve me of his death either.&nbsp; I would have done anything, had anyone, to fill the horrible emptiness I felt, and Miles… Miles spoke Czech, and he had a kind heart.<br /><br />It is not an epitaph I would wish for myself.